Breaking the boundaries cross cultural dating

He loves his mom very much. He is a very intelligent and caring person. He values integrity and generosity in others. I am thankful for the kind Americans who have invested in his life since he arrived in the states.


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I am hoping and believing with all my heart that our relationship will last, and that God will carry us through the rough parts of the road that we have started on together!! I am a Canadian woman and my partner is an East Indian. We are three years into the relationship and have two children.

Breaking The Boundaries: Cross Cultural Dating

His parents fully reject me and refuse to accept our children. His parents are still badgering him to leave us and marry another Indian. I interpret his inability to defend me and establish clear boundaries with his parents as a form of disrespect for me — as much as I try to be understanding of his culture — and I am feeling entirely insecure in the relationship and even about myself as a White woman. This is driving a wedge between us.

I am also uncertain of the future and get nowhere when trying to discuss this with him. I find this behaviour on their part manipulative, coercive, and utterly selfish and childish. In my case, my would-be partner used me in part to lash out at her parents and I was too caught up in the thrill of the moment to notice before it was too late. My parents always warned me about staying away from a cross-cultural relationship.

But I did not listen. At least we are not married, so we can part ways if things get much worse. For the sake of brevity, here are my daily issues: Differences in likes and dislikes in food. Differences in behavioral standards and morays. Differences in standards of neatness and organization this is probably not a cultural issue. Differences in common courtesies. Boy i can relate to at least a little of what everyone has noted here. Its nice to know that I am not alone.

My heart goes out to all of you. I am of Indian heritage but raised mostly American and married a Nigerian man who had spent most of his grown years outside his home country— England, America.. Together we got along very well never fought and we thought we truly loved each other.

We are both professionals. I could never understand at the time how he could think that his family would be a problem for me.. I had even met several of them and still did not understand what he thought would be a problem. Though i had moved on, he begged me to come back in an almost movie-like plea.

Still no intentions stated. So I went through with it, despite warnings from friends, strangers and some but not many, surprisingly, relatives. I often wonder now, that if i had had the INTERNET like it is today, would i have been influenced by sites like this, that tell countless real stories? It is possible… even if nothing else, maybe i would have discussed some of these issues upfront. Anyway, long story, suffice it to say that 3 daughters later twins and a singleton over the span of 2 years , i have been waiting for the right time to say, ENOUGH. His family has treated me horribly, and he has insisted that they live with us for most of our marriage, which has been monstrous for me, since he has never once supported or tried to understand me.

If i wanted this type of life, i would have married within my own Indian culture. So, i now have things in motion to get ready to finally leave. Even my children, now pre-teens are supporting my leaving as they have seen how taxing this has been on all of us, and they dislike his mother as well. The man is a genius at getting the world to think he is a good and honorable man, but hiding beneath is a heartless person, whose own wife and daughters only know about.

I wish every day of my life I had made a different decision back then.. Love should not make you have to do and endure the things i have had to over all these years, and i know that now.


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Thanks for reading my woes and if you are someone still deciding on a cross culture relationship, make sure you iron out all intentions before you agree to ANYTHING. What i have learned most is that culture can be a deep brainwash that can supercede even rationale thought. This is really a recipe for disaster unless they are absolutely willing, able and excited to embrace compromise. The reality is that your children can be in a very powerful situation from a a cultural standpoint.

They will no both cultures. Unfortunately, the parents and other third parties do not see the potential power. Yes… all these things are important, even if your relationship does not cross cultural boundaries. The differences between cultures, on the other hand, can take one by surprise.

Looking for something to read while crying because I can not take my life anymore being married to an America. I am in a rather unique situation! I am in a relationship with an Indian woman and things are rapidly changing by the day. I am an American , recently naturalized but originally from Africa, a son of career Diplomats so embracing others cultures came second nature to me since I lived everywhere.

I have been here for 15 yrs, college educated, former professional track athlete. My now girlfriend was born in London, parents made few stops before finally settling in N. She is under a lot of pressure to get marry and we have spoken extensively about why her culture thinks it is the right thing to do.

However, she is not about arrange marriage, nor is she attracted to Indian men period. She is very liberal and recently traveled to Africa before we met and absolutely loved it. I have given some thoughts and after reading every ones bad or negative response, I am still considering to pursue this fine woman.

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Because, I believe marriage is commitment, communication and carrying. Having said that, she warned me that I will judged by the Indian community but that does not bother me. In conclusion, looking at both sides as US citizen and foreigner, Africa, India, Asia have thousands years of culture and deeply rooted. America is a new , progressive and no offense but a young country. I believe diversity makes the world a greater place.

Of course it is not going to be all rossy since she likes spice foods and our house smells like Chez Tandorri Dine In. I look past these insignificant obstacles and I focus on love. It will conquer all. This is what I would say about this situation. If you two know of a community where there are other mixed couples then you will be okay.

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If not, you will have challenges with third parties who do not understand your relationship. If you are older, then you can work in spite of all the third parties. If you are younger, you have to make sure that both of you are able to stand up to the third party nonsense.

Breaking The Boundaries Cross Cultural Dating

I wish you the best of luck. Although he came here when he was 8 his culture is very ingrained. We hit it off from the get go, going out to bars, restaurants and travelled overseas a number of times. We were planning a wedding and after a year moved into together. He asked me to become Indian, which I stupidly and unknowingly agreed to. He started laying down many expectations. He told me that he would control all of the finances and make all financial decisions, he even wanted med me to transfer all of my assets and cash to him.

Any time I pushed back or stood up for myself he used physical violence to overpower me. That was the last straw. I had to get out. Upon reflection the different cultures made it very difficult, we had so many expectations on how a relationship should work. Love could not beat it.

Breaking The Boundaries Cross Cultural Dating Nejaniro

But… and this is also critical… both people must be self-aware enough to recognize that much of what they expect out of a relationship stems from this internal programming and that most of that stems from our cultural upbringing. And you have to be strong enough internally to make the effort to break free of those expectations. Anyway… congratulations on recognizing the need to get out of an otherwise stifling situation and best of luck on integrating the experience and getting back into the game. With someone from a different culture, they may not care about YOUR culture.

I made a huge mistake in marrying someone brought up in Mexico. But I never did that to him with English!